Woman praying in a dark tunnel with light showing at the end of the tunnel

Good morning and welcome to Dr Ing’s Sunday Soul Connection.

And as always, I like to applaud you for taking the next 45 minutes or so out of your busy Sunday as we consciously join together across the airwaves, linking hearts and minds to deepen in our connection and communion with the Ground of Being, God in us as us.

Today is Father's days and we honour all fathers, especially our Heavenly Father, the father figures, the grandfathers, stepfathers, adoptive father's and men that stepped into the roles of being like a father.

Before we get to that, I would like to continue in our excavation of the difference between loneliness and being alone which as I said previously is not the same as being lonely.

You could be alone In a crowded room and feel lonely. And you can be alone by yourself and still feel lonely, lonely, being alone and loneliness and not the same. One is more emotional than the other.

I love the quote that I shared yesterday by Iyanla Vanzant “There is a very secret sweetness about being alone that you will miss if you fear it so much.”

We’re not talking about isolation and its effect on people's health. This is not what we are talking about this morning. We're talking about the conscious decision to spend time alone and to balance and maintain of strong social supportive connections.

Science, actually supports the benefits of being alone I came across this by Amy Morin:

7 Science-Backed Reasons You Should Spend More Time Alone by Amy Morin

1. Alone time increases empathy.
When you spend time with a certain circle of friends or your co-workers, you develop a “we vs. them” mentality. Spending time alone helps you develop more compassion for people who may not fit into your ‘inner circle.’

2. Solitude increases productivity.
Although so many offices have started creating open floor plans so everyone can communicate more easily, studies show being surrounded by people kills productivity. People perform better when they have a little privacy.

3. Solitude sparks creativity.
There’s a reason a lot of authors or artists want to go to a cabin in the woods or a private studio to work. Being alone with your thoughts gives your brain a chance to wander, which can help you become more creative.

4. Being alone can help you build mental strength.
We’re social creatures and it’s important for us to have strong connections with other people. But, solitude may be just as important. Studies show the ability to tolerate alone time has been linked to increased happiness, better life satisfaction, and improved stress management. People who enjoy alone time experience less depression.

5. Solitude may reduce behavior problems in kids.
When you carve some solitude in your schedule you show your children that being along is a healthy thing to do. And research shows kids who learn to by themselves are better behaved than other children. Be a good role model and teach solitary skills early.

6. Being alone gives you an opportunity to plan your life.
Most people spend a lot of time planning weddings and vacations but never plan how to get the most out of life. Spending time alone can give you a chance to ensure there’s a purpose to all of your hustling and bustling. Quiet space provides an opportunity think about your goals, your progress, and changes you want to make in your life.

7. Solitude helps you know yourself.
Being alone helps you become more comfortable in your own skin. When you’re by yourself, you can make choices without outside influences. And that will help you develop more insight into who you are as a person.

Get Proactive About Creating Time to Be Alone
Set aside a few minutes each day to be alone with your thoughts — just 10 minutes a day can help. Silence your electronics and allow yourself to think for a few minutes.

How to Be Alone
Being alone doesn’t come naturally to everyone. If you are used to surrounding yourself with friends and family or even prefer the company of strangers, learning to appreciate the joys of going solo may take some time.

Make a plan. The best alone-time often happens when you set aside a specific period to be by yourself. It shouldn’t be forced isolation that leaves you feeling withdrawn or anti-social. Set aside an evening or a weekend for a little refreshing “me time.”
Eliminate the distractions. If you find yourself tempted to work, check out social media, or talk on the phone, start by turning off any potential distracting devices. Leave your laptop and phone aside and focus on doing something that you don’t normally get to do on your own.
Learn to value solitude. In an ever-connected world that often devalues being alone, it is important to remember the importance of taking time to spend with just your own thoughts.

One fascinating study found that participants would rather engage in mundane tasks or even administer electrical shocks to themselves rather than spend 6 to 15 minutes alone in a room with nothing to do but think.

Sacred Text

“You will show me the path of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy; at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” Psalm 16:11

“Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; You are Mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, Nor shall the flame scorch you.” Isaiah 43:1-2

Story - Pride Month

Dustin and Yaser met at their condominium pool 6 and a half years ago. Dustin was new to the building and they began chatting. Fast forward to 2015, the two married on November 14. They're also the proud dads to daughter Lucy whom they adopted in 2016. Not long after, they learned Lucy's biological mother was pregnant with her brother, due mid-February. In Dustin's own words, here's his family story:

There comes a point in some people's lives where they begin to think about starting a family. Yaser and I had discussed this several times but really had no idea how to begin the process. From the reading we had done online we just knew that it could be a long, costly process, full of unknowns. In 2016, we decided to interview a few adoption agencies to see what our options were and how the process works. It didn't take long for us to realize we were right: the process is long and costly with a lot of unknowns.

We did an online search and decided to call an agency in the Tampa Bay area. The social worker answered and went over the process with us. She then asked us to share some information about ourselves and what we are looking for in regards to adoption. Unbelievably, she told us that she had been contacted that very morning by birth parents who were specifically looking to place their child with a same-sex male couple. What are the chances of that happening?

She asked if we would like to be considered and we immediately said yes. She met with the birth parents the next day and they decided to move forward with placing their child with us. Their child was a precious little girl who had been born 6 weeks prematurely and was still in the NICU. It wasn't long until we were completing our home study and meeting with an adoption attorney and birth parents to complete the paperwork. It was such a whirlwind but it was all worth it when we finally met our little girl, Lucy, in the hospital on July 18, 2016. She was only 4 lbs and had gorgeous red hair. We spent 6 weeks by her side while she was in NICU. She had some drug exposure and her heart and lungs were still developing. The nurses were so kind and they taught us everything that we needed to know about how to take care of her. Lucy is now an extremely active 19-month-old who is meeting all of her developmental milestones.

In September 2017, we received a call from our adoption attorney and she had some big news. Lucy's birth mother was pregnant again! She wanted to know if we would be interested in adopting again. We totally weren't prepared to go through the adoption process so soon after Lucy but we just couldn't separate these siblings. We also thought it would be wonderful for Lucy to have the support of a biological sibling. We decided to do everything that we could to make the adoption possible.

Unlike our adoption with Lucy, the birth mother this time was only a few months along in her pregnancy and needed support. The birth mother can also change her mind at any time during the pregnancy and can't sign any consent forms until 48 hours after the child's birth. This sets up a stressful dynamic in which the adoptive parents have absolutely no guarantee that they will be able to adopt the child, even if they support the birth mother throughout her entire pregnancy. In our situation, the birth parents also struggled with homelessness, addiction and criminal history.

On February 9th, 2018, we traveled to the hospital for the birth of our son, Alex. We spent time with the birth parents and couldn't believe the day had finally come! At this point we were concerned about the health of the baby since we had suspected continued drug use and the mother had little prenatal care. The birth mother was also experiencing preeclampsia. Alex was born at 9am that morning and was taken to the NICU right away with some respiratory distress. The next day we were told that he had multiple drugs in his system and was experiencing withdrawal symptoms. Yaser and I would hold him while he cried and had tremors. It was heartbreaking to see him this way.

Exactly 48 hours after Alex's birth, the birth mother signed the consent form and was discharged from the hospital. As you can imagine, it was such a relief when she signed. Alex is still in the NICU and we are having to travel several hours back and forth to visit him. He is getting better each and every day. We can't wait to bring him home to meet his big sister Lucy.

Poem - Silent, Strong Dad BY Karen K. Boyer

He never looks for praises.
He just goes on quietly working
For those he loves the most.
His dreams are seldom spoken.
His wants are very few,
And most of the time his worries
Will go unspoken, too.
He's there...a firm foundation
Through all our storms of life,
A sturdy hand to hold onto
In times of stress and strife.
A true friend we can turn to
When times are good or bad.
One of our greatest blessings,
The man that we call Dad.

BODY MEDITATION

Please click here to be taken to the Body Meditation’s page.

SUNDAY SOUL CONNECTION PRAYER

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MOVEMENT PRAYER 4

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BUDDHIST REFLECTION

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RUMINATION

There is a freedom more precious than the world. Infinitely more precious than life and the world is that moment when one is alone with God.”
Rumi

Benediction by Bob Stevenson

For those grieving the loss of a precious father, may the peace and presence of our Heavenly Father would be closer than a heartbeat to you.
For those torn up by absent, wicked or abusive fathers, may you know the lies spoken over you are not true, that you do matter, and that you might find hope in the Father who is good, and will not let guilty go unpunished.
For those celebrating dear fathers who have loved well, may you be filled with deep gratitude, and that your gratitude for a person would carry your heart to worship of the Father your dad echoes.
For those longing to be a father, and yet unable, may you find space today to grieve well, and that you would know your cries are not lost in the void, but heard and held in love by your Father in heaven — who is working for your good.
For those who are overwhelmed with the daily demands of fatherhood — and know your shortcomings all too well, may you rest in the grace of God today, and find ever deepening dependence on his sustaining power as this day comes to a close.

Amen

Alone